Islamic Guide to Sexual Relations

Islamic Guide to Sexual Relations
by Muhammad Ibn Adam al Kawthari

The universal message and teaching of the Seal of Prophethood contains everything you need to know if you only know how to ask. While the Dark Ages in Europe found people engaged in debate about whether a woman had a soul or not; chastity belts were the order of the day and Puritanism in its most horrible form was practiced, Muslims were enjoying full freedom in expression of their sexuality, and harmony within the family structure; based on the teachings of the Holy Prophet Muhammad.
Nowadays, it seems that things are topsy-turvy and Muslims have forgotten or 'covered up' a major portion of their teaching, turning the clock backwards. Many Muslims have become puritanistic and prudish and deviated from the beautiful teaching of the greatest human being and Prophet of Allah to walk upon this earth. It is about time that this topic, which is the key to our existence and harmony, is understood in its proper and holistic context, like everything else in life. This book is a modest effort towards the exposition of this particular spiritual teaching. We give thanks to our Beloved Allah for providing such a book. May Allah bless the author and everyone who is connected with such a necessary resource for all Muslims, young and 'not so young'. Wa ma tawfiq illa billah. And there is no success except by Allah. "And (Allah) has imposed no difficulties on you in religion". (The Pilgrimage 18:73).
Murshid F. A. Ali ElSenossi

From the Introduction by the Author

In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful. All praise is for Allah Most High, Lord of the worlds. And may peace and blessings be upon His beloved Messenger Muhammad, a Mercy to the worlds, and upon his entire family, his Companions and the righteous ones who follow in their footsteps until the Day of Judgment.
In answering questions from the public over the past five years or so, I have come across many individuals who desire to know the Islamic ruling on matters of sexual intimacy between spouses. Aided by the relative anonymity of email as a medium of communication, questioners have opened up and began to pose frank questions courageously without being shy and without the fear of being humiliated.

The prevalence and variety of these questions led me to keep records of them, and it quickly became evident that many Muslims are unaware of the Islamic laws and etiquettes pertaining to sexual relations. Many desire to live their conjugal lives in harmony with Islamic teachings and have a genuine inclination to learn, but are prevented by the embarrassment of asking a scholar directly. I realised that there is real need for a comprehensive work on the subject if Muslims are to live their lives in conformity with the teachings of the Qur'an and Sunnah. Owing to this great need, and the significance of the issue for married couples, I began preparing a detailed and comprehensive work - often referring to the notes taken of the questions posed to me - the result of which is in your hands, Alhamdulillah.

This book approaches the issue of sexual relations head on to apprise married couples of the teachings of Allah Most High and His· beloved Messenger on this subject, allowing them to enjoy their union while receiving divine reward in doing so. What are the correct intentions behind sexual relations? What are couples allowed to do and what must they avoid? How does one prepare for sexual relations? What are the rules and etiquettes of foreplay, sex itself and the moments after sex? What is the ideal way of spending the first night of marriage? These are just a few of the questions answered in this book. In addition, many modern issues such as bondage, cross-dressing, using sex aids, watching pornography, oral sex and phone sex will be discussed exhaustively in light of the teachings of the Qur'an, Sunnah, reference works from the four Sunni Schools of Islamic law, and other works of classical and contemporary scholars.

A healthy sexual relationship is absolutely vital in marriage. Scholars today generally agree that one of the primary reasons for failed marriages is failed sexual lives. The root cause of marital discord is often sexual dissatisfaction, with problems in the bedroom often leading to unhappiness, frustration, and, at times, even divorce.
Among the objectives of marriage is to satisfy one's sexual needs in a lawful manner, and if either spouse is unfulfilled, the temptation to look elsewhere can become overwhelming. Often, a spouse will refuse to engage in a form of sexual activity, mistakenly believing it to be unlawful, which could easily sour their relationship. With some basic education on the subject, it is possible to have a healthy sexual life and avoid marital conflict.

The Companions did not shy away from asking the Messenger of Allah questions of a sexual nature and, remarkably, women also felt able to ask these types of questions without any reluctance or being ashamed of such enquiry. It is clear, then, that there is nothing wrong in discussing this subject for instructional purposes, as long as it is done with decency. In fact, it is a mistake to shy away from the teachings of Allah Most High and the Messenger, even those regarding sexual matters.

Modesty is, without doubt, a fundamental element of our religion, but when it comes to religious matters it should not prevent one from learning. In the modern world, questions of sexuality are openly discussed, often indecently; why then should we feel ashamed of learning the pure and decent teachings of lslam on this subject?
Those who feel that the contents of this book are overly explicit should keep in mind the words of Allah Most High, His Messenger and the Companions, "Surely, Allah is not shy of [expounding] the truth" (Qur'an 33:53, (Sahih al Bukhari 130 Sunan Ibn Majah 1924).